Creative Story Telling week 1/5
At The Bride Community Centre ( I've enroled on a creative story telling course. The premise is get creative - telling stories and the story of choice is "our story". By the end of the course I'll have ended up with a book telling a story made by mosaics and collage and all sorts.

The first exercise was asking each other a list of interesting questions which help us get to know each other.

The second exercise was (imagine the brick-a-brack wall in charity shops, randomly select X amount of items). These random items were on the table in a jumble and we were asked to pick two and tell a story about the person who would have these items in conjunction with each other. However my partner and I mistook the exercise and instead took items which related to us in some way and the other person tried to guess how. My partner selected car keys and a sea shell whilst I selected a toy gun and an Indian goddess in meditation pose made out of red clay. The gun, I explained, related to the LARPING I do with fake weapons whilst the goddess was the fact that I believe in reincarnation and follow some of the hindu principles but not all of them.

Finally we got creative about our stories. We were given pieces of A2 paper cut in half of the colour of our choice, however when I came up to get my piece I selected the abandoned off cut from some other project and ended up with an odd shaped sheet. I then folded it into a more odd shape and wrote DRATZ in crayon on its front. I chose crayon because an art teacher told me once that if you work crayon really hard you can make it do all sorts of fun things.
Someone asked my why Dratz so I wrote Draiton above it. They then asked why I spelt it that way so I wrote the Japaese down the other side. Next to the Japanese I wrote about all the people in my life at the time I was doing GCSE Japanese.
Opening the page up I wrote "LIFE OF SERVING" in newspaper letters because that was the URL of the internet site where I first became known as Draiton/Dratz. Under that I wrote about all the people I could remember from that site who were special to me. Under that I wrote UNIVERSITIES from a newspaper headline because that is where I became known face to face as Dratz. I wrote 'Nina' next to it. Under that I have a picture of a primark name badge and I wrote how Will and Paul had been involved in changing my name informally at work. Below that is my deed poll story with Ric and Mark being my witnesses, I added how Sky had told me how to do it. On the left hand side of the final sheet I have drawn an artistic family tree to explain why I chose JOHN PAUL as my middle names, below that I have added Berridge, Huntbach to give a nod to my herritage. Under that ss a small section about the roleplay where 'Draiton' himself was actually created.

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The last page looked like a shield so I drew a capricorn and a snake and doodled my birthday over it.

Now that he's expired...
I can now reveal the back story to Blink withheld from most of the group in Flintlocks and Fireballs.

Blink was a masochistic fighter / meat shield happy to throw himself into the fray at the drop of a hat. It wasn't so much about preserving the group than more trying to inflict harm on himself for the sins of his past.


Isaac grew up in a remote and rather rural 'village', houses dotted about over miles of landscape in little clusters so that it took up a large amount of space but wasn't particularly populated. The town had features of the modern day bringing life to a standard of 'quite comfortable', aqueducts, water mills and a clock tower which was the central pride and joy of the townsfolk. The area itself was deeply dedicated to the work of the empire, they could not say a bad word against it and openly rejoiced Empire rule. The town's collective values were that of Honour and Social Status, shame and humiliation were dreadful taboos that people found completely abhorrent.

It was here that Isaac grew up in his little family unit in an imperial and comfortable home; a large house full of velvets and furs, glass and ornate coatings. It was comfortable and it was plush, far away from the conflicts of the outer world. So remote was the township it became very insulated and cut off from the rest of the world. It's wealth circulated around itself and it's knowledge and science was only home grown, such was the limited spread of information in and out of it.

Isaac grew into a young man, amongst his youthful folly he became absolutely smitten with a young gentile lady. She was a slim and dark beauty, deep imposing eyes and a force of character that could stead the waves. Isaac was entranced by her and as she had a brilliant family standing it made sense for him to connect with her and bring their two prestigious families together. It was probably for the status and not for love that she agreed to wed with him, for their relationship was utterly one sided. She knew what power she had over Isaac and toyed with his desire as a plaything. But he didn't care so long as he could be near her.
Of course he knew that his affections were landing on an ice queen who held nothing but contempt for him, and though he convinced himself it didn't matter there was a part of him starved for affection. And that is where the adultery stepped in. Though he was still very much in adoration of his wife, the Need for love back enticed him to endure a lasting relationship with someone else. Of course this was hideously faux pas and not a soul could know about it for the everlasting shame on his family and hers would cause dreadful repercussions. But to have his affections reciprocated meant the world to Isaac and for some time he was truly happy. Of course the guilt of the deceit and the abusive relationship he maintained with his wife plagued him, but it was little more than a nuisance in the wake of his pleasure.

It was late in the year when Isaac caught wind of a rumour rapidly silenced. It came to him that the Empire might not be as awesome and 'Good' as his townsfolk might think. No one had done much research on it- why should they have to? The empire was fantastic and that was good enough to keep anyone going. But the seeds of doubt began to niggle at Isaac and the more he tried to pass it off the more it came to him that something was horribly horribly wrong. And it was such that he came to research the Empire and through meticulous book reading and scanning of reports and documents an awful secret emerged to him. It was the sort of sickness that occurs when one finds one's mother in bed with another man, the sudden realisation that Truths in the world might not be true anymore. The foundations of his beliefs were shattered. A cold sweat peppered his skin and the scales fell down from his eyes. Feverishly he paced the study, his heart bursting with this new knowledge. He had to share it, it was not within him to contain it any longer--

Of course he would not tell his wife, she never had time to listen to him. And his parents appeared so gentle and so calm he couldn't do this to them. He respected them too much and feared their wrath on him. And so it was he came to his twin brother, a man who was in many ways so close to him. Not that he had told his brother about his affair, nor the exact difficulties with his wife. But this was something he could share. In the depths of the night Isaac confided in him, explained what he had found and tried to awaken his brother to the knowledge he now possessed.

But the weight of the truth was too much for the brother to handle. He shook his head and stepped back, first of all fear and then confusion took him before blind anger burst from him. Isaac had never intended to inflict such a harm on his brother but there was no going back as in moments the two were locked in a struggle. A gun became involved and it was one man or the other who had to go. The pair's minds were fogged with emotion and having their worlds shattered and in such an intense emotional state the gun was fired.
Isaac did not know if the shot had killed or wounded his brother, he didn't have time to find out. He fled then, aware that his trust in his confederacy with his twin had been shattered he had to go.
He ran to his Lover for help, hastily explained the situation and pleaded for aid. His lover thought for a moment then sent Isaac packing, hid him and had him as a refugee for a dark few days in the township. News of the shooting spread rapidly and wrecked the crisp and proper balance of the family and their social peers. Soon enough Isaac was discovered and his close ones fought dearly to save him..... ... but of course, with Honour being such a pinnacle of their civilisation such an act could not go unpunished.

Etherite was not known about in the remote township. Whilst the convict programme was well instilled in other parts of the empire it had not yet reached the town... until now. The equipment was brought over with an Imperial scientist who instructed the local governing bodies and their confederates into the procedure. Because of its newness the procedure did not go exactly to plan and Isaac's brain was horribly impacted with the etherite which was likewise shoved into his upper shoulders and neck for good measure.

The family and town tried to save face as Isaac was shipped away to the penal britallion. His name was changed so his crimes would never come back to home. But his family were changed forever, his mother never had a strong composition and met her fate in the absence of her twins.

-- For Blink, however, his journey had just begun. His memory was blocked from him by the botched transformation and for some time he struggled with identity. He had a deep longing inside him to return to a human state, aware that the blazer program was for criminals he was shamed deeply by the physical appearance of his legal state. He attempted to carve the etherite out of his body to return back to human form- the pain was intense and the damage enduring, but from his point of view the pleasure of being human again outweighed the agony.

It was such that he had the poor habit of throwing himself into the frenzy of combat, praying that war wounds would smash the crystal from his body or purge his soul of the crimes he could barely remember.

As time wore on fragments of his past started to come back to him. He became much aware that he had once been married and in love. He struggled with this knowledge and angered by the fact he wasn't there anymore he behaved somewhat oddly. He couldn't recall the details of his relationships, a blessing really as they had caused him so much misery, but he tried to act in their memory none the less.

When he came across a competent spy by the name of Rini, her fire and spirit struck a chord with him. She reminded him of someone he couldn't recall but longed to be back beside. He attempted to work for her safety and security only to be literally cut down by his group. His mind spiralled into questions and he went through a period of thinking he was little more than a meat shield warrior to this group the same as he had been in his service to the Empire as such. Had he really gained freedom truly?

And so it came that the group found a shipment of Blazers to be travelled out across the land and meet a secret location. Blink, deeply under the influence of believing he was nothing more than an enslaved criminal once more, opted to go into a storage box where he belonged. Locked away from the group in a small coffin-like crate he was alone with his thoughts and memories once more. This journey changed him. In the aloneness of the space his thoughts clarified and his memories came to him. He saw things with a new clarity and worked out his position in the group. He recalled his meaning and motives in life, the evilness of the Empire and the urge inside him that someone out there was still waiting for him. Someone who was not his wife.

When he emerged from the box he was like a new man, filled with the zest for life once more. He stopped self harming at that point and embraced his powers as a tool to get him to where he wanted to be rather than a hindrance. He still didn't work for self-preservation per se but he wasn't directly cutting the crystal from his body any more.

As they reached a blazer laboratory Blink's memories flooded back fast and furious. Names were put to faces and rasons d’être came back. He was sad to know his mother had passed, upset to see his brother encased in some sort of life-preserving jelly with his father doing some sort of experiments to keep him going... but the knowledge that his Lover was still out there spurred him on.

When the group considered killing his father for the science and technology he had to hand, Blink flipped and became enraged. Close to losing him once more and pushing him back to a state of disenchantment prior to the box-scenario the group seemed to change their mind and allowed Jaccob to live. And such they carried on, but now Blink had caught a scent.
His sole desire was to find his Lover, to connect with them. To meet once more after so long, to thank them for trying to hide him, for saving him, for being there. The distance between them was like a knife to Blink's heart and he urged the party onwards to Praxia despite all logic that it was full of the undead and very dangerous down there. Blink didn't care; he had to find his soulmate.

Along the track they came across a Devil in the snow, he was beyond help but Blink scarified a blanket to him regardless to comfort the poor bastard. The Devil gave him a clue, a name, a direction. Once more Blink charged into the cold and soon enough they found a much more alive Devil chasing down a carriage. Upon meeting this Devil Blink's spirits were greatly lifted, only to fall sharply afterwards to find it was not exactly what he was looking for. But his hope was not lost and he gave his last blanket to the man to brave the snow alone, the fire inside him enough to keep him from freezing. Still they plundered on, so close, so close.

Now, Blink never really knew WHERE his soulmate might be, he only had loose ideas that they could be somewhere around here. But his urge was enough to keep him searching the haystack regardless.
Due to his position in the group and his own internal conflicts, Blink was never able to truly disclose to the group what he was really up to or why this was so important to him. Something he might now regret that his journey has ended abruptly. Although he did allow one person to know what he wanted, it remains a mystery if this story ends in the fight with Sompter or if there is an epilogue to follow.

Now, Blink didn't mean to expire in the last fight. In truth he hadn't meant to fight at all.
When Sompta transformed into a tentacle ridden monster Blink's response would have been to approach him and speak with him, to convince him not to fight them. But as a few of the group had already started beating on the monster it seemed stupid to ask for peace then. Blink had one option and that was to keep fighting even though in his heart this was a senseless battle. He fought for his party.
Angela was targeted by the monster's most vicious attacks and whilst Blink really did not like the way she treated him or spoke to the party, she was vulnerable and did not deserve death. He spent his energy pulling her to safety and ensuring her wellbeing before rampaging back into the fray. Sure his party would be fine he charged into combat.
Many of the monster's blows bounced off his hardened skin and armour, many more cut into him but not once did he falter for it. It took him a little while to even realise he was bleeding. One more palpable hit and he was barely on his feet. But he knew the monster's end was nigh and for what it was worth he stayed in the frenzy to end it. Unfortunately his luck had run out and he crashed to the floor in a mass of inflicted wounds. Still he was determined to hang on and fight, Still he was dedicated to end the monster. But his inability to show his vulnerability or let people know what was truly meaningful to him was perhaps his downfall. He lost his life quite quickly after hitting the floor, perhaps it was the cold or perhaps it was the knowledge that the party would be ok now. From his position he couldn't see what the status of the fight really was, but it didn't seem to matter as the warm darkness took him away from the freezing floor.

I made this

it was easy to do, but its sooooo thick....

Fail Hat
When you've been a bit of a twat I guess the best thing to do is to hold up your hands, admit to what you've done and apologise for it. Through some way or another I have managed to cock up royally with my uni work and time organisation. It's not so much procrastination (though this has had a lot to do with it) and more a sense of 'other stuff cropped up'. Predominantly this has been prior commitments (whilst social activites: clare project, DnDs, geek nights and seeing friends) these commitments have not been entirely selfish as my participation betters the lives of others. In the case of DnD for example my group would not play without me.

However this has left me in a stupid state of affairs with Uni. Effectively too many things cropped up to allow me to do the prep work for Tuesday's seminar. The move to Asgard has been a big one, I'm still designing study space, unpacking boxes and trying to keep my shit organised which is a royal pain when I'm out most of the time. Second to this has been the bike crash, strapped for cash I threw myself into 'dangerous' overtime this weekend. Dangerous as in... I put myself down for the shift on Thursday to begin on Saturday. Normally a shift is 8 hours paid work starting either 8.45 to 6.15, or 9.45-7.15. However... I needed money and Primark needs staff, so I signed up for a 9 hour paid shift at 8.45 until 7.15. The cash would cover the cost of the bike repair and food for Asgard etc. I've not yet managed to get finance in order so unsure if I'm ok or not for funds until the bills come through.
SO. This stopped me from being able to do uni work over the weekend, the 9 hour shift was too exhausting when I came home to do anything, and Sunday after work I played DnD with Edd, Alex, Nate and Toby (as one of our characters had died the previous event it was a serious adventure of working out how to progress without any more casulties, only for our rogue to be slain too...) SO. I have not done my uni work.
I am meant to read some articles on microlending (which I have no idea what it is), deisgn an argument as to why its a bad thing and present it to the class Tueday morning. Now as my contributory Essay is due in two weeks and Ive never studied microfinance before I have seriously considered just skipping uni on Tuesday and do my essay work instead. But this is really a coward's way out, I ougth knuckle down and do the work, it's the right thing to do. At the same time, I'm tired at this stage and only have Monday night after volunteering to do the work, this is entirely my own fault for not doing it sooner.
But internet only came on Wednesday so it's not like I've had access much to do it... argh.

So I've writen an apology to the group I'm in to say sorry for not sending them my notes, will write something up on monday night and try to present in class Tuesday morning by winging it.

I have considered going to class, lifting hands and telling everyone straight I've not done a lick of work for the lesson and I'm sorry but thats the way life is let's move on. But... I'll just see what I can do. I will read on Monday and present on Tuesday. It's the latest I have ever really left anything and I sort of regret it. I guess this is the nerdy equivelent of going out drinking the night before work and coming in hungover... this is me, up until midnight playing dungeons and dragons only to go to uni the next day and try to bullshit my way through a lesson.

A sad thing is I got a group email from a lass in my class saying how interesting she found the papers we're meant to read. Now I'm itching to know what she found so interesting but don't much have time to enjoy it even if I do find it facinating... and whose fault is this? Entirely my own, I'm a bit of a dick at the moment. Not really intentionally... I've not MEANT to be a fail with my uni work this weeks, its just the way time sort of fell. I'll do my best to repair the situation by working monday night... fingers crossed.

The Experiment
I signed up to do a science experiment at Sussex that pays £60 for six sessions. The task involves consuming breakfast and lunch then doing a few cognitive tasks and fill in a mood rating sheet.
On the first day cycling into uni for this experiment I clip a cyclist on the cycle lane and crash the bike, bruising myself and buggering up my bike in the process. The repair of the bike costs £66 which means I lose out on money for doing this experiment. On the other hand, it gets me on campas, feeds me food and means I have time and access to the library on an otherwise 'day off'.

Today I check my emails to find out the computer glitched on Friday and my results have been lost, the experimenter has asked that I withdraw from the study. Now I'm Seriously down £50 (shes offered me £10 for effort), bruised and bikeless... I'm really really really unhappy about this.

After homework
I attempted to clear some more of my junk from dad's house. It was a productive but heart wrenching letting go of hundreds upon thousands of pages of written notes from school... but I can't keep them all. I selected a few essays and memoires to be tucked away and happened across at a much later date. I remembered the cull of my GCSE notes and how much I feel sad I've gotten rid of so many things when years later I'd like to look back on it all. Well, today is another day of extermination of the past. Not so bad though, I have a heafty folder of things which is FAR more paper than the documents I've extracted from the filing draws upstairs.


The Move
I never knew I had so much crap... despite having a flat to live in, I'm struggling to find places to put things. Downstairs is neat and tidy, but the bedroom is swamped with stuff I am yet to find a home for. I would love to have it all sorted and cleared up, but I feel this may take a few days. Also focusing on fixing up all my paper work and put it all in order. Not sure when I'm going to have time to do my uni work at this rate: teacher wants us to watch two pod casts on the internet, not handy when we won't have internet until the 17th. Not sure what to do about this one, /could/ watch them now if I were clever enough. Okaaaaay I'll go do my homework....

Sometimes I think if I had changed my name to 'Arthur' it would be easier than trying to work out how to fix my mobile answering phone...

I must be getting better
Went to a house warming last night and became very ill towards the end as my fever flared up and my headache twinged something dreadful in my skull. It felt like my brain was rattling around in my skull, my hearing has been muted because I can't pop my ears at the moment and listening to anything becomes like trying to distinguish a voice amongst noise. I was trying to have a conversation with Ric but whenever a car passed us there was so much sound I could not hear him. Today this did not seem to be much of a problem. I went to work and made myself a lemsip before shift to clear up the head-cold that was settling in and tried my best once more on the shop floor.
My nose was bunged up, my voice affected and my energy drained, yet I pulled my socks up and did my best. The kids' flat in the stockroom had become overwhelmed with delivery boxes as we've had such a burst of customers over the last few days no one has been able to cut it down. So I spent the majority of my shift clearing it out and generally did a good job of it. It made my shoulders ache and I was drenched in sweat by the end of it, starving hungry too as I had skipped lunch due to my shift times (leave at 1pm doesn't give me a real lunch time).
After shift I did not have a lot of time or energy. I needed to get to Patcham as soon as possible (google maps saying it would take about 30 mins from Primark), though this did not take into account my flat tyre. I had considered having dinner in town and then biking it over but decided against it for convenience sake: good thing too because it took me about 50 minutes to get to Isengard and consequently made me late. I had a 'do' that started at 7 and now it was 6.20 with dinner still to go. However I did not feel stressed, I relaxed, had an amazing dinner and when all was done and dusted (about 7pm) Merlin and I went to a barn dance.

I had read about this dance last Tuesday at my last Clare Project and had intended on going, though could not find anyone to go with me. I hadn't tried very hard, but I knew that I wanted to go and was going to enjoy myself regardless. As Merlin's was around the corner from the dance I popped in on his for dinner between work and the gig, at which point he stated his interest and off we went together.
I had an amazing time, danced nearly every dance and didn't feel an ache or a pain. It felt like I had a new kind of energy not experienced before in my malaise. After the dance (about 10pm) we headed back to Merlin's for a cup of tea and then after a bit of Live at the Apollo it was time to head home. Down hill on a flat tyre is not half as bad, though it was an odd sight for the urban foxes.
I marched up the hill by Dyke Tavern and hit home by about 11.40. A cup of tea and Muller corner later and I've changed into my PJS, but not before checking out my contours in a reflection. I've been worried about my stomach for a few days, keeping an eye on it and hoping it isn't rounding out into a beer belly much, but after tonight's exercise I see the old shape of the muscles that used to be there when I ran. I feel happy and healthy and I should keep this up, really ought get back into push ups or something, my stomach is clearly showing it has the memory to be strong again.

Another sign of health returning was that I was able to finish my uni reading this morning, after a few days of not being able to string a sentence together much less read a page of text on the computer screen, I feel in pretty good spirits. My next goal is to hit the campus book shop and buy myself a new exercise book for my masters. After that I'm looking forward to a talk with Lucy some time... and then all so suddenly it is Tuesday and Wednesday which could possibly be move in dates... ... scary stuff...

Attempt #2
So I'm trying really hard to be social... I don't want to be "that freaky kid" any more. More than that, I'm in a class full of really interesting and amazing people who have done things I can only dream about: volunteering in this country or the next, making her own business, working for Save the Children... it's just so magical. In an egotisitical way I believe that if I get to befriend these people, more opportunities for the career that I want will crop up. Contacts and connections you know? I guess this is what the MA is all about, after struggling to find work with my limited BA skills, I want to home in my studies into the career market place and have a job at the end of it all, making friends and being active is part of this.


If yesterday was the ice breaker, today I'm going in. My cold is getting better and I don't feel like such a car wreck. This morning I had a bath to wash off the fever sweat and began 'kitting up' ready to take on the day. I feel like I'm getting dressed into a bio-hazard suit, wrapping my body in protective bindings to keep out the world. Boxers that stretch down my thighs blocking out my hips like some ken-doll blank (I feel like one of the store manakins), wrapped a binder on (feels a little too tight but I'll see if it gets uncomfortable and readjust later), only my stomach remains on show. I'm now more covered in my underwear than many people in their gym/olympic clothes... eiishh...

Yesterday I wore a no-personality red "sussex uni" t-shirt which says nothing about me other than the obvious. Green cargo trousers again, non descript and my military boots (hey I'm not perfect). Today I'm still breaking it in slowly: I've nicked Edd's 'Motion in Action' black T-shirt. Motion in Action is a 'meaningless' lable to the majority of the consumer world and ergo will be unable to make sense of the design and thus unable to correlate me to one brand or another. The black t-shirt however is me: I'm rarely seen wearing anything other than black t's. Same cargo trousers, (couldn't be arsed to dig up the black ones, and I figure black trousers and T is a little too much all at once). Also the kharki goes with my soft leather armour that I'm bringing to uni today. Put on my wedding rings, which I have left on the shelf during the deepest parts of my sickness and clammy hands swelling with fever are no good for the rings. Today I wear them loud and proud, pointing out to the world that FUCK YES I have a connection to someone. And YES that is a Lord of the Rings ring, YES I am that geeky but I don't care. They feel like weapons, they make me feel powerful. They ought have some sort of "Ker-klank" sound effect of machinary sliding into place when they slide onto my fingers. Then some sort of "Vrooooooom" powering up laser styled.... ok I daydream too much.

SWARM is (the rp and board games society at sussex) introducing new students to LARP and stuff, so we're having a 'weapons practice' at uni. I'm bringing my armour along to show off what LARP can be about. Considering wearing it to the 5pm social today.... but after my issues of 'trying to be cool' yesterday I think it won't go down well at all.

Other things on my mind is this girl who thinks she knows me. Do I drag her aside and rip myself open like an open book? Flood her with my private life of where I've gone and what I've done to make her realise I'm nothing of what she thought I was? Or is it any of her business? But then can I have her going around and possibly talking about me wrongly to other students? Does she WANT to connect to me, do I WANT to connect to her? Or is it all forced? I'm so skeptical of 'new' people in the uni situation (as opposed to meeting a friend of a friend where the platform is already set up as 'you might like this person'). ~sighs~

I'm thinking of making a facebook account, but the questions I've always held is "who am I" on facebook. How can I put what schools I have been to and connect to old school friends who will have no idea who this short haired grumpy sod is under a new name on FB? How can I stand up to familial expectation whilst also having a large life they will find it hard to understand:? My relationships for one is going to be a hard one on that account. Lets say some of Ric's family check out the page and if I have admitted something there they know nothing about, will they get upset? But then it's not fair to ''omit'' the fact I have others who mean dearly to me purely to bow down to a hetro-normative culture. I wouldn't do that to them anyway. It reminds me of the crap days back at kiddy school where under peer pressure you choose who you can and who you can't hang out with. (No points if you guessed I was one of the kids segregated from my friends because I wasn't cool enough). It's not fair to do that to people and in my adult life I won't do that, but don't have a platform to be honest and fair on facebook either. But actions have consequences and if I am completely open and loud to the world, will the rebound affect have painful consequences on Ric's behalf? So is it better to stay silent?
I used to think being an adult meant getting away from all this shit you experience at school. Now I see it's nothing of the sort. It's exactly the same but under a different guise. Maybe school just teaches you about it? Maybe school creates it and we carry it on into adult life, or maybe in fact school is just a representation of adult life. As an adult we all still have our roles and responsibilities, our cans and cannots. It's not about being free, there are still constraints, we all do still have pride and ways we wish to represent ourselves. I'd like to use a peacock anaology, that we are all fluttering the colours we have to expose ourselves attractively to sexual mates. But I'm not in any way sexually inclined yet I too have certain things I want to show and want to hide. It's not about sex (as many Darwinians might believe) its something else. Perhaps Group acceptance. We are all pack animals and becoming outcast from the group is vividly dangerous and unweilding.


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